Gifts We Would Give Our Favorite TV Dads
Everywhere you look (everywhere you look), there's a heart (there's a heart), a hand to hold on to.
Sounds like the folks that wrote our beloved "Full House" theme song knew a thing or two about gratitude. And that's what Batch is all about.
We're taking a moment to thank some of our favorite TV Dads by giving them small business gifts matched to their personality. Some of these dads were role models, some of them not so much. Regardless, they deserve thanks because we know that at the end of the day, family matters.
Andy Taylor - The Andy Griffith Show
Family-oriented. Sweet. Classic. What gift could go better for the sheriff of Mayberry than Willa's Classic Shortbread? It is the Atticus Finch-iest product in Batch's inventory and takes us back to a simpler time.
Fred Flintstone - Meet the Flintstones
[Loveless Cafe Original Beef Jerky]
We figured Fred Flintstone might need something that adheres to his Paleo dietary restrictions. Loveless Cafe's Original Beef Jerky gives him the protein he needs to keep his car running.
Danny Tanner - Full House
For our favorite primetime germaphobe, we wanted to give something to help boost his immune system. Local Economy Hand Soap, Elderberry Syrup, and Harbin Hollow Bee Pollen would have him fighting off germs like John Stamos fighting off bad hair days.
Homer Simpson - The Simpsons
[Soberdough Apple Fritter Bread]
SoberDOH! (Get it?)...
Even without the most brilliant pun in Batch's history, Soberdough's Apple Fritter Bread is the perfect gift for Homer Simpson, as it lies at the intersection between beer and donut. All you need to do is add your favorite can of Duff Beer, stir, and bake. It's so simple, even America's dopiest dad can figure it out in 20 minutes with commercial breaks.
Uncle Phil (Philip Banks) - The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
[Okay... we know he's not Will's dad on the show. But anyone who's seen Fresh Prince knows that Uncle Phil is the kind of father figure who makes us grateful every time we tune in. A caffeine shot is exactly what a Judge and attorney needs to get through his day. And this Oakland-based company is local-ish for our favorite California "royal family".
Tony Soprano - The Sopranos
["Those who want respect give respect." Our new Fig-Etta 'Bout It Set is the best way we can think of to respect the Boss. While mob stuff is certainly a stressful job, topping off a burger with gourmet goods is something we all can get behind. And as Gary Gulman reminds us, it was "Tony Soprano who made it cool for tough guys to go to therapy." We figure that deserves quite a bit of thanks.
Eugene H. Krabs (Mr. Krabs) - Spongebob Squarepants
[Money money money money money. This greedy crustacean gets a Batch E-Gift card, even though ironically it's not redeemable for cash value. This will give him an excuse to spend, for once.
Robby Ray Stewart - Hannah Montana
Hailing from the rolling hills of Somewhere, Tennessee, we think Robbie Ray Cyrus... I mean, Stewart, would appreciate this simple homage to his roots. The Nash Coozie is sophisticatedly designed to keep your hands warm and dry, and lock in the ice cold freshness of your beverage. Perfect to chill it out, take it slow, and finally, rock out the show.
Phil Dunphy - Modern Family
[True South Zion National Park Puzzle]
The True South National Park Puzzle is the perfect gift for the "fun dad" and the dad who likes to travel. Luckily, Phil Dunphy is both. Phil and Claire finish the series by embarking on a cross-country road trip, so we thought this puzzle would appeal to Phil's wanderlust and youthful spirit.
Johnny Rose - Schitt's Creek
[Southern City Flavors Dirty Martini Mix]
We wanted to give Johnny Rose another taste of high society with Southern City Flavors' Dirty Martini Mix. Not Rose Shortbread from The Shortbread Shop, you ask? That was our runner up. Regardless, as a father of elegance and class, we wanted to offer Johnny a drink worthy of his high standards, without any of the pretentiousness. There's nothing wrong with a good Motel Martini, amirite?